As the front runner for the 2016 election, I would like to announce my candidacy to be elected commissioner for 2016 season. I want to make QFL Great Again. Are we not ashamed that the Russian and the Chinese continue to kick our asses? How many time are we going to get beaten by a bunch of snapper heads and commies before we rise.
We can make QFL great again by implementing my 8 campaign pledges.
1) 1) I would make Dan shows us his birth certificate.
If he cant furnish us with this simple request he should be impeached as commish. We don’t want illegals in our league Dan!
2) 2) I would build a wall around Nick’s house. Everyone knows he’s sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with them. I asked the mall security guard at Nordstrom in Whiteplains and he told me Will brings drugs. Keith brings crime. Everyone knows Ed is a rapist and a good one at that. The ring leader is a Nick “El Chapoâ€. I would make Nick pay for that wall too. Everyone knows Swedes are the scum of the earth. I mean need I say more than IKEA. Fucking communists with their box like furniture and clean lines.
3) 3) Rob. Oh yes Rob… Biggest hater in the fucking world of QFL. His toilet paper and tampons have the QFL logo on them. We should just Nuke him already. We all know Brandon can’t negotiate for shit unless it’s a seducing a goat tucked away on an empty field on a full moon night. Brandon said he broke his leg on a bike during the negotiation… Sure he did, we all know what you were doing in that field. Meanwhile Rob continues to shit every day and whip his ass with that toilet paper. Time to negotiate is over we should nuke him already. I want to make him bleed from everywhere.
4) 4) As for Zooms and their same sex marriage. I think we should stone him and his gay lover. Co-owners should be banned from QFL. I will also change his team name from Zooms to Caitlin with a C not a K because he is a cunt.
5) 5) Just because John and Troy got caught in some bathroom stall in Bangkok last year doesn’t make them heroes to the lesbian and gay community. I prefer fags that don’t get caught. Though they may insist that they are 60/40 once you’ve swallowed one sword you’ve swallowed to many.
6) 6) I would also cancel Planned Parenthood, between Ed’s Bill Cosby tendencies and Brandon goat rapes our coffers have been drained by these sexual deviants… when is enough enough!
7) 7) I will burn our constitution as it was written by communists who have gay orgies. Can we really trust Seth and Rishi, watching them talk fantasy is like watching a marathon of queer as folk.
8) 8) I will also keep my pledge of not reading the rules for a 7th consecutive year. Rishi will be retained to read the rules in a good faith effort so that I can pretend that I care about the constitution. This way when I don’t enforce the rules we can all pretend to be upset.
It is time that we make QFL great again. As a future commish, I promise to run this league like a tyrant. We will have the biggest fines in our history and send thugs to collect them. I will mark your emails as spam and block your phone calls, since any form of communication is frowned upon, as the end result usually means I have to do work. Tyrants don’t work. Next year’s draft date will be set based on a time and place of my choosing. I don’t think owners should have opinions in this matter since they are all assholes anyway. Last but not least we will change the name of QFL to TFL.
PS. If I offended anyone because of a lack of political correctness. I don’t have time to be politically correct. If you are a fag, communist, animal lover, rapist, or Swede you have enough problems to worry about.
Yours Truly,
Vote Fantasy Enemy 2016
Shades