We have just two weeks left before the playoffs start and the QFL has never seen this type of parity–I mean futility–before. There are 8 teams under .500!!!
A 7-6 record usually means that you have a chance for making the winner’s bracket. This year, it most likely ensures a #5 seed.
I wanted to write this column to outline how the playoff push might shake out. However, as we are all concerned about our neighbors in the Great White North, instead of utilizing a traditional fantasy football analysis, I am going to analogize what is happening in the QFL to the life an times of controversial Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
Race for bye weeks:
Yesterday, the Toronto City Council passed resolutions to strip Mayor Ford’s authority, limit his staff, etc. Ultimately, these resolutions passed with overwhelming majorities despite Mayor Ford’s last-ditch lobbying efforts, which included him acting like a lunatic and attacking and tackling aldermen on the floor of City Council chambers.
Just as Mayor Ford strangles his political opponents, the top four teams in the QFL have been stifling the rest of the league. Since FAHQ (8-3) lost to Hepatitis Q (7-4) in Week 6, the franchise is on a five game winning streak, which includes a Week 7 win against the Stormtroopers (8-3). However, the Stormtroopers have won four straight since then. Likewise, Hep Q is also on a 4-game roll. And while the Stormtroopers won its heavyweight matchup against Ten Q (9-2) in Week 9, it is Ten Q’s only loss since Week 2.
Of course, in terms of obtaining one of the highly-coveted bye weeks, Ten Q (9-2) controls its own destiny with a one-game cushion in the win column. Even if Ten Q loses its final 2 games, it will secure a bye unless one of the following three scenarios occur: (1) FAHQ wins its final 2 games + Storm wins 1 game, (2) Storm wins 1 game + Hep Q wins its final 2 games while scoring 155 more points than Ten Q, (3) a Rob Ford-type scandal leads Comp Comm to strip Seth of his authority, web administrator capabilities and wins.
The Stormtroopers (8-3) lost its head-to-head tiebreaker with FAHQ but it has the tiebreaker over Hep Q. Accordingly, Scott may have to really root for Hep Q against FAHQ in Week 13.
In particular, provided that Shane does not extend his lead over Paul in Week 12, the Week 13 showdown between FAHQ (8-3) and Hep Q (7-4) will be for the QFC West title. This is much more important for Shane (and Scott) since the likelihood of Paul getting a bye week is rather slim.
If Paul loses out, he also has a small chance of getting sent to the loser’s bracket, which will ultimately lead to behavior that would make Mayor Ford blush.
The 5-6 Clusterf*ck
Last week, Mayor Ford denied rumors that he wanted to “eat the pu**y” of one of his staffers (I am not making this up). In particular, during a press conference, Mayor Ford indicated that because he is happily married, he gets enough to “eat at home” (note the quotation marks).
Notwithstanding this controversy, on the same day, it was announced that Mayor Ford had agreed to headline a Canadian reality television show. Shortly thereafter, Mayor Ford also communicated his intentions of becoming the Canadian Prime Minister some day.
This six-team tie at 5-6 has a lot of similarities. Ugly rumors will start. Insults will be hurled with reckless abandon. Relationships will be tested. At the end of the day, however, similar to Mayor Ford, two (possibly three) teams will rise like a phoenix from these ashes to have the opportunity to continue to fulfill their dreams of becoming a Canadian Prime Minister, I mean, the QFL champion.
These playoff scenarios make a lot more sense when you look at the divisional rivalries. The six teams tied at 5-6 are comprised of 2 squads from each division who will play each other once during the final two weeks.
Accordingly, it will be really difficult for either OQ (5-6, 2-2, fewer points) or DRC (4-6, 1-3, more points) to overcome a loss during their grudge match in Week 13. Same goes for the Week 13 matchup between Fredneq (5-6, 2-2, ton more points) and Qtang (5-6, 1-3). Despite their Week 12 rivalry matchup, A Tribe Called Quince (5-6, 1-3) has a lot more work to overcome the lead in the division of Quintorris Jones (5-6, 3-1). Notwithstanding, if any of these six teams suffer a loss during the last 2 weeks, absent a ton of luck, it most likely will be the end of the road.
Rock Bottom
This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I happened to catch a glimpse of Mayor Ford being interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show. At one point, Lauer could not figure out why Ford was demanding to see video footage of himself smoking crack on national television. In response, Ford argued that he was “extremely inebriated” at the time of the drug use. While I am not sure what point Mayor Ford was making, I think he may have been insinuating that he was so black-out drunk, he needed actual proof to convince himself that he actually lit a crack-pipe up in his mouth.
What can you say about Quince United (2-9) or QBC (2-9)? Were they extremely inebriated during the auction? If so, is that even an excuse for their results this year? Is there videotape? Please run the tape Matt Lauer!!!!
Shades