QFL Commissioners And Their Legacies

The QFL’s much heralded Constitution has been in place for over a decade. While it has been updated regularly, the provisions generally remained as the founders intended. Despite this seeming stability, the QFL has seen seismic shifts regarding its rules. These shifts are primarily due to the changes in the chief executive and his personality, temperament, style, and intellect. As a result, the constituents of the QFL are subject to the whim’s and affect of their leaders and ,for example, whether the Eagles had a bad game (see the Farrell Administration) or the cold weather rolled into Chicago (see the Denham Administration).

The following summarizes the lasting image (some would say ‘legacy”) of the QFL commissioners.

Jay (1999-2001) – The Founding Father. The Author (or “Internet Cut and Paster) of the Constitution. The Mussolini of the QFL. He introduced the QFL to 11 of his friends. He introduced the concept fantasy football to at least 6 of these friends. He introduced the NFL to Seth. (For the record, he also endangered his friends lives at the Embassy Suites on 23rd and N, but that’s another story). For some reason, he believed that he could pull together 11 other owners, all with questionable morals and lowly GW educations, into a big money sports-related gambling venture that was intended to extend well into the future. If it sounds like Jay was putting together a mastermind Madoff-like scheme to extort money from his friends, you’re not alone. Add in the fact that Jay was the judge, jury and executioner (the ComComm was powerless, much like moderate Republicans in today’s Congress), and you have all the makings of a dictatorship. He was the only one who could interpret 81 convoluted pages of text which purported to solve any issue the QFL faced. In reality, it is mere fortune that the QFL survived. Notwithstanding, the league views jay as a visionary who started it all. He is now treated with kid gloves, like a senile old dignitary for whom you just try to make his last years comfortable (this is probably why not many people make fun of him for having a 2-10 team). Thanks Jay.

Hans (2001-2003) – Our second Commissioner, “Rudy” as he was known to his beloved followers, was much like other “seconds” like John Adams, Al Gore, George H. Bush, Steve Young, and Sammy Hagar. That is, Hans had huge shoes to fill and the expectations often cloud the consistency and fairness of his rule. Under Hans’ rule, the league was in a trail-blazing state – the founding father Jay had just resigned, and as a result, many of the dictator like rules were seemingly erased. In the new age of freedom, the league did not know what to do with itself. Hans tried to quell the masses, but perhaps the masses simply couldn’t be quelled. At the time, the league membership was turning over at a staggering rate (at least two franchises changed hands in those times). And let’s face it, if QBC is considered to have no clue what it’s doing now, imagine how much less they knew in the early 2000’s. Hans’s rule will forever be known as the Great Transition, which brought law and rules to the QFL society.

Barron (2003-2005) – The word ‘barron” is one of nobility, and so too was his rule. Many believe Barron, and his sidekick beancounter Scott, brought the first sense of accountability and transparency to the QFL. Many have compared his term to Bill Clinton’s, as both men were able to cross party lines – the QFL was comprised of those who cared and those who really cared. Barron was able to bridge the gap. He ushered in the Age of Reason, and the league prospered. The ComCom was empowered and sanctions were doled fairly. Rules became more well-known. Now that Barron is dead (at least to us), his legacy, much like Reagan’s, is that of “he-did-no-wrong”. People tend to smile when they think of Barron’s reign, whether or not they have a real reason to. RIP Barron.

Seth (2005-2007) – The beginning of the end of reason and enlightenment, and the ushering in of semi-totalitarian rule, at least from a “pay to play” perspective. Perhaps acting in an alter ego to his real-life libertarian political beliefs, Seth enforced all infractions with a monetary penalty, sometimes severe. And so began (whether in truth or in belief) the rise of the fine. It is believed that during his reign, the discretionary kitty (and in turn, the skins) saw their highest levels, Seth often relied on his peers Founding Father Jay and Scott the beancounter to provide him with wisdom, after all, when Seth joined the QFL, he hardly knew more than 3 active NFL players (proves anyone can win the QuinceBowl, multiple times at that). Seth’s commissioner legacy has been indefinitely tainted by The Debacle Auction (a.k.a. The “I am Sober” Auction), held at his house, which consisted of Seth getting wasted having $20+ left after everyone finished spending money and then asking systematically whether about 30 players had been taken (we’re not talking “nobody” players.

Ted (2007-2009) – The reign of “Ted the Terrible” marked a tumultuous time during the QFL. Ted was known to be schizophrenic – at times being reasonable and other times being the opposite. Folklore has it that Ted once tried to fine QFL owners for “wasting” the league’s time by asking questions over email which were otherwise addressed in the Constitution. Ted has long chastised lucky owners (see the proprietary Lucky ratio which is comprised of 7th grade statistics which never cease to amaze Seth) and the weight of special teams in our league. It is widely believed around the league that Ted’s rule was immensely affected by the Eagles’ performance (some have speculated specifically the performance of David Akers, on whom he had a man crush). Correlative speculation is that favorable rulings were handed out for Philly fans (QBC) and after Eagles’ wins.

Paul (2009-2011) – “Pope Paul” ascended to the QFL throne from his humble start as league archivist, which was in large part to being a nerd and owning the first mainstream Apple Macs. It is speculated that his leadership style is a byproduct of his long domestic partnership with Hans, where he learned the ins and outs of running the QFL by living with Hans for 10 years (or so I am told). Paul’s executive moves were seen as fair, as they relied on precedent (which of course he kept on hand in his computer and in his head). Even to this day, after his official duties have ended, Paul still provides the QFL with official executive actions of yesteryear. As Paul transitions into his roll as a husband and father, it is believed that Paul will ultimately “get a life” as some have put it and forget the intricate details of QFL governance.

Shane (2011- present) – “Shane the Sympathetic” as he is widely known to his followers has only been in office for a short time. Yet, his modus operandi is well known. Marked by compassion, sympathy, and the avoidance of confrontation, Shane has intentionally overlooked roster violations, so long as they were not major violations. He has been known to attempt to reason with constituents, even though it has been proven by irrefutable science that many members of the QFL are not able to reason. During one particular issue, a scoring discrepancy, Shane set the tone for his rule – he opened the floor to the affected parties, and then sought counsel from the ComComm and Pope Paul before letting the issue resolve itself. One observer commented: “I am shocked to see that Shane is not a Republican prick from Texas. Oh yeah, he is from New Jersey. That makes sense now.”