QFL 1 Movers and Shakers Quince of Darkness Edition

Thrash : The Big Four

#1 TENACIOUS Q (8-1, 724.81)

Analysis: Best record. Most points. What else can I say? Manning and Orton are overachieving QBs who could tank at any moment, but the supporting cast is pretty solid (unless Randy Moss becomes best friends with Chris Johnson). TENQ may fall apart in the future, but is totally dominating the competition right now.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Metallica – James Hetfield was an overachieving front man, but his supporting cast and production team were solid. Killer releases that dominated the competition throughout the 80’s.

#2 STORMTROOPERS OF QUINCE (7-2, 583.75)

Analysis: 2nd best record, but fewest points in division. Was very lucky to get through early roster trouble with injuries to all 3 starting RBs (Grant, Moreno, SJax). Team is finally looking healthy (knock on wood) and may start to earn some victories instead of lucking into them. Only QFL South team that would make the winners bracket if the season ended today.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Anthrax – Solid band that had some good releases. Only East Coast member of the big 4. Survived a major lineup change at singer, but some would say were lucky to be considered part of the big 4.

#3 ORIGINAL QUINCELAR (4-5, 712.9)

Analysis: 2nd highest in points, but only a 4-5 record. Foster, Gore, CJ and Gates make a formidable nucleus, but the team isn’t getting the wins it probably deserves.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Slayer – Definitely the most consistent and maybe the best of the big 4, but never became quite as mainstream as the others. Always produced heavy, quality releases.

#4 QUINCING BY COMMITTEE (6-3, 597.88)

Analysis: Has the 3rd best record overall despite being lower tier in scoring. However, is stuck as 2nd fiddle to TENQ in the QFL North and is not likely to escape Seth’s shadow with a suspect roster that has no true leader (i.e. no player with 100+ points).

80’s Metal Equivalent: Megadeth – Megadeth, at least, had a leader in Dave Mustaine but otherwise has a suspect line up and never escaped the shadow of Mustaine’s former band (Metallica).

Standard : Hit or Miss

#5 QUINCE (5-4, 631.34)

Analysis: QFL royalty that has fallen on some tough times. Ted’s squad is still putting up decent points at times, but also has had some poor performances. One might expect such inconsistency from a team featuring notorious felons/offenders including Vick, Roethlisberger and Moss.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Judas Priest – Heavy metal royalty that released some classic material in the early 80’s and then some awful material on the late 80’s. Rob Halford later came out of the closet in the 2K’s, just like Vick and Roethlisberger will. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

#6 BERNARD Q. POLLARD (5-4, 610.62)

Analysis: BQP again looked strong coming into the season with a powerful stable of RBs that now includes AP, MJD, Ronnie Brown and hometown favorite Shonn Greene. However, Ricky Williams and LT2 have negatively impacted their respective team mates in a big way. Even MJD is having a rough year and BQP is at a disappointing 5-4.  Duggan will never win with his team’s current tasteless albatross of a moniker.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Guns ‘n’ Roses – G’n’R seemed on top of the world in the late 80’s and were poised to be a force for a long time, but too much turmoil in the band caused them to implode.  Axl was a douche.

#7 FREDNEQ (4-5, 652.91)

Analysis: The VJax hold out really hurt this team as Harvin and Ward are good but inconsistent options. However, with one of the top QBs in Brees, the return of VJax and the emergence of McFadden to join Mendenhall in an elite backfield, they have a chance to improve on their 4-5 record. However McD continues his irrational love for Patriots RBs even though he’s from Nebraska and the Pats haven’t had a feature RB in almost a decade.  He did finally let go of Maroney though, so maybe there’s hope.  Or maybe just a win in the toilet bowl.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Queensryche – Very talented front man with a lot of range. Some quality material, but kind of all over the place and a bit too progressive for the mainstream. Their most mainstream hit (Silent Lucidity) was an awful song to peak with (but not as bad as Extreme peaking with “More than Words”).  Insistence on releasing concept albums = highly questionable.

FAHQ (4-5, 582.02)

Analysis: This team is in serious trouble.  The Dallas Clark injury.  The catastrophe that is the Carolina running game.  The Jay Cutler turnover machine.  Ouch.  I’m not sure how this team is doing as well as it is.  Actually, I am sure.  Roddy White is fucking stud and Brandon Lloyd and Steve Johnson were clutch free agent acquisitions.

Editor’s Note: SOQ actually picked Lloyd up first but cut him after Demaryius Thomas’ one big game thinking that he’d be replacing Lloyd as the deep threat.  You’re welcome Shane.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Twisted Sister – A train wreck of a band.  Some good tunes, but lots of bad ones.  A string of anthem songs kept them relevant even though those weren’t their best songs.

Glam : The Posers

QTANG CLAN (3-6, 640.93)

Analysis: Early QFL champion.  Looked to be regaining swagger after starting out strong, crushing his first two opponents.  Best, Forte and Austin looked like MVPs.  Then the bottom fell out.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Motley Crue – First two releases were great.  Then the bottom fell out.  Going from Shout at the Devil to Theatre of Pain was an appalling turn of events, even though their most popular song came off that truly awful album.  They’ve had a few decent songs since then, but mostly crap.

QUNET (3-6, 602.54)

Analysis: Another former powerhouse, but things are looking grim now.  Aaron Rodgers is the only player contributing big numbers.  Going from two time champion to cellar dweller must be hard to stomach.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Def Leppard – Great early stuff, up through Pyromania.  The drummer loses an arm and you end up with Hysteria?!?!?  Worse drop off than Crue because they haven’t come close to a good song since Pyromania.

SWINE Q (3-6, 546.05)

Analysis: This team is not faring well.  Paul popularized the 4 WR set, had the best stable of WRs in the league and had a lot of success with them.  However, the same approach just doesn’t seem to be working this year.  When WRs are good they can be very good.  When they’re bad, they can be very bad.  No QB doesn’t help.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Cinderella – Actually had a pretty good first album (1st side of an album anyway), but got caught up in the glam craze and couldn’t get away from it.  Now they’re forced to take part in all these lame glam reunion tours for 30 something chicks.

QUINCE UNITED (2-7, 659.85)

Analysis: I actually thought Hans’ team looked like the best team in the division coming into the season.  Rivers, Rice, Charles, Mathews, Wells, Fitz and Smith looked like a monster lineup.  The RBs just have not delivered like everyone expected though.

80’s Metal Equivalent: Europe – Because his name is Hans.  It’s the final countdown.  To the toilet bowl.

Skins:

1 112.27 QTang Won
2 105.71 QTang Won
3 120.41 Quince Won
4 101.82 OrigQ Loss
5 105.83 QU Loss
6 82.89 QBC Loss
7 82.22 TeNQ Loss
8 124.25 OrigQ Won (5)
9 93.11 Quince Loss
10 103.17 TO WIN